!Elders downsizing into new home

No matter your age, there might come a time when your living space exceeds your needs. Perhaps your children have moved out, a partner has left or passed on, or the responsibilities of maintaining a large home and property are just too much. If so, it might make sense to move into something smaller or tailored to your needs, such as a condominium, retirement home, or senior living facility. Whether that’s a tough decision or a natural one, one of the biggest concerns for many people at this point is, “How do I downsize in a way that keeps me sane and that sensibly sorts out my possessions?”

We’ll explore that here, covering:

  • how long this preparation process will take
  • how to inventory what you've got
  • how to prioritize, taking into account the features and size of the place to which you’ll be moving
  • how to divide property among family members
  • the pros and cons of putting property into a storage facility, and
  • where to sell or otherwise unload things.

These tips might also be useful to adult children or other family members helping someone to downsize.

If, after reading this, it all just seems like too much, there are paid services that can coach or help you through the process. For many people, this proves to be a lifesaver. For one thing, having a neutral third party deliver hard truths, such as that a supposed heirloom isn't really all that valuable, can be easier to hear than when it comes from a family member.

In This Article

When Should You Start Downsizing?

It’s never too soon to start the process. Making thoughtful decisions and acting on them can take many months—or for some people, years. Don't beat yourself up if you've procrastinated so far; there is a grief element in parting with possessions, especially if you associate them with past stages of your life or with long-gone family members. As one woman who helped her father through this process reports, "My dad felt better about getting rid of things if they went to someone who really needed and/or appreciated them."

Pace yourself, perhaps by making a calendar of goals. Just be careful about getting so obsessive about every little decision that you’re among those who need many years to complete the process! (This author once conferred with her spouse about whether to pack a certain type of paperclip. For real.)

The more you can downsize in advance, the less you’ll have to either pay the movers to handle, put into storage, or squeeze into your new place until you can decide where it should go. That said, only after you know exactly where you’re moving to will you be able to fine tune your choices.

Some people who've been through this have found that it worked best to move to the new place without giving up the old place (if you can swing it financially). As one woman who helped her mother-in-law move to assisted living said, "We ended up going back to her house a few times to get additional items or switch things out."

Take Inventory of What You’ve Got

It’s good to start by reminding yourself of what’s in your house, including in the attic, basement, closets, and garage. Even if you only walk around and take mental notes, you’re likely to find that, beyond the obvious (furniture, kitchenware, books, clothes, hobby materials), you’ve got stashes of forgotten items, such as children’s school projects and other memorabilia, grandparents’ china, silverware, or linens, various knickknacks or collections, and more.

It can help to create an inventory, whether by creating a document or by snapping a lot of photos. One person who's been through this recommended, "Use a Google spreadsheet to keep track of what is going with you and what is being donated and what is being put in trash."

Inventory worksheets are available for free online, though these are mostly drafted with the idea that you might one day claim insurance coverage for valuable property. Still, these worksheets can be useful in this context; in fact, they could do double duty if your moving van goes AWOL or for drafting your will. Or, you could just make a simple list, either going room by room or creating categories like furniture, clothes, decorative items, hobby items, heirlooms, and so on. See, for example, the AARP’s article, Create a Personal Property Inventory.

For smallish items, there's little point in taking the time to make a list. Simply set out boxes or designate limited spaces within your home and label these:

  • TO FAMILY/FRIENDS
  • TO CHARITY
  • TO SELL

Another experienced downsizer also recommends, "Put the books you are taking in the portable bookshelves you are moving and the ones you want to give away in the built in shelves."

We’re assuming any trash items can go straight to the curb, but it’s possible you’ll need to arrange a bulky waste pickup or a trip to the dump for the larger ones such as old mattresses.

Prioritizing and Selecting What to Keep or Unload

Deciding what to let go of can be emotionally rough, but you’ll thank yourself later. Below are constructive ways to winnow.

Identify What You Truly Can’t or Shouldn't Part With

Let’s start with the easy part: What items do you know for sure you’ll need or want in your new abode, such as treasured antiques, a family member’s art or craftwork, a musical instrument, equipment for your favorite hobby, a wedding gown, and so on? Write these down, and consider how much space you’ll need for them.

For large items such as furniture, take measurements to see how much space you'll need in your new place for them. Think twice before getting rid of furniture that folds up or is easily stored; those could be useful in a smaller living space.

Having trouble parting with items for sentimental reasons? Consider taking photos, or in the case of old letters or papers, scanning them for a digital record.

Get your important documents together, too. These might include wills, powers of attorney, medical records, marriage or birth certificates, and insurance policies. You'll want keep them in a clearly labeled box or folder for the move, and guard it carefully.

Identify (and Toss) What Should Have Been Tossed Ages Ago

A lot of stuff accumulates in one’s home over time, with some inevitably forgotten about. By now, some items might simply be too old or degraded to use. Although a dumpster should be one’s last resort, it's true that even charities such as Goodwill and Salvation Army set limits on what they’ll accept, often refusing used stuffed animals, cushions, and mattresses, for example. (Their websites will usually tell you their limitations.)

Also check your city’s guidelines for disposing of electronics, paint, and other hazardous materials. These cannot normally go out with regular trash. However, some cities, stores, or charitable organizations will accept such items for reuse or recycling.

Food or items in your medicine cabinet might show expiration dates. Not all of these need to be believed; the food dates, for instance, aren’t about safety so much as flavor. (See What Food Expiration Dates Really Mean.)

The risks are higher with medicines; check out the FDA’s page on Expiration Dates - Questions and Answers. If relevant, also check out the FDA’s advice on Where and How to Dispose of Unused Medicines.

And if you're retiring to someplace warm and sunny, realize that sunscreen that’s more than three years old might not do you much good anymore, as described in the Consumer Reports article, Does Sunscreen Expire?.

What Are Your Minimum Daily Living Needs?

Even if you're hoping to simplify, modern life comes with many requirements: furniture, bedding, towels, health and beauty items, clothes, dishware, cookware, food, and so on. Unless you're moving long-distance, it probably makes sense to bring a selection of your existing items with you.

But also consider how much you’ll actually need in your new life. If your new abode won’t have a guest room, for instance, you can potentially part with some sheets and blankets. And most of us have more clothing than we ever wear.

What Needs Will Be Taken Care of in Your New Place?

If the place to which you’re moving is part of a community or a senior facility, it might offer shared resources, reducing what you need to bring along. Ask well ahead of time. You might find, for instance, that:

  • Your unit comes with curtains or other window treatments.
  • The community hires landscapers, meaning you can ditch the mower and other large equipment (but might want to keep pruners and light tools, if you’re a gardener).
  • The community fixes the roof and cleans the gutters, so you won’t need your ladder and related tools.
  • The facility has a gift-wrapping room, prestocked with paper and ribbon
  • Your new kitchen will have an induction stove, making much of your cookware unusable anyway.
  • For safety reasons, you won’t be allowed to burn candles, meaning any you have should be given away, and possibly the candleholders (though battery-operated candles can be lovely).

On the other hand, there might be items you were ready to ditch but could actually make good use of; say, favorite costumes or fun clothes if your new community encourages dressing up for holidays or theme meals. And if your new facility accepts donations of art, holiday decorations, and so on, you might be able to enjoy them in your new abode without having to store them yourself!

Think Ahead to Possible Physical and Cognitive Challenges

When making choices about furniture and such, consider the practical needs of a creaky body. Small rugs can become tripping hazards. A chair that's difficult to get out of now will only get more difficult as the years go by.

Similarly, if one family member is already having difficulty navigating unfamiliar spaces, others will want to take constructive steps to reduce disorientation. A daughter who moved her mother from independent living to assisted living within the same building described how they "took photos of the living room bookshelf/TV stand, the biggest piece of furniture. We arranged the stuff just as it was."

Dividing Property Among Family and Friends

If you have children or other family or close friends with whom you want to share property, don’t wait until the moving van is being packed to figure out who gets what. Better yet, bring the family and friends together and have them view what’s available, or send them a list of what you’re planning to discard. In trying to distribute things fairly, keep in mind that:

  • Some people might expect first dibs on items they personally made or gifted to you.
  • If there’s a child who’s always had a hard time and you’ve often favored them with loans or other help, being especially generous with them now could breed added resentment from the siblings.
  • Never make assumptions about what’s valuable to whom. The anti-materialist kid might have always dreamed of holding family holiday meals on your fine china, while the kid with expensive tastes might have a sentimental attachment to your tattered old Monopoly game.

By the way, for folks who won’t be visiting you in person, you’re not morally obligated to ship items to them—at least, not on your own dime. Make clear in advance the terms under which you’ll go through the potentially arduous process of packing and mailing.

Where to Sell or Unload Things

With your nearest and dearest attended to, it’s time to re-home the remainder of your possessions. If thoughtfully done, placing property where it will be newly appreciated and have a new use will benefit both the environment and the recipients.

Your options include many online and local places to sell or donate goods. You’ll find numerous suggestions in Best Websites for Selling Stuff to Declutter Before a Home Sale.

Why Not Put Extra Stuff Into a Storage Facility?

Given the stress of planning a move, figuring out what to do with your possessions can feel like one headache too many. This is the point at which many people decide to pay to put a bunch of stuff into storage. It’s not the worst idea, if you are committed and able to deal with the stored items soon after moving. Or if you’re lucky, the facility you’re moving to will have on-site storage units for your use (though these can fill up fast with, say, an artificial holiday tree, a kayak, and a few suitcases).

If you must rent a paid storage unit, realize that for many people, the monthly rental costs quickly exceed the value of the items being stored. That’s especially true when the regular pay rates increase dramatically, as they’re known to do. Yet some people go on paying for storage for months or years, never seeing or enjoying the things they own. They would have been financially better off gifting, selling, or donating these items.

Storage units aren't always as safe as they might claim, either. See, for example, Rats in My Storage Unit! Can I Sue the Company?. And if you get behind on payments, you could lose all your goods, as described in, My Storage Facility Is Threatening to Sell My Stuff! What Now?.

Watch Out for Shopping Rebound After Arriving in Your New Place

Reducing one’s personal property can feel cleansing and satisfying. You might think, “Never again will I let my closets get so overstuffed that I forget what’s in them.”

But humans are hardwired to enjoy acquiring something new. Don’t be surprised if, after landing in your new place, you’re eager to buy new things for it. That’s natural, fun, and sometimes necessary. Still, to avoid going wild, you might focus on “collecting” new experiences in your new place of residence. Best wishes!